Current Events
This took place June 24, 2010. I did something I regret doing that night, my friend Sean and Cameran thought it would be fun to have a ding dong ditch party. Of couse I could not decline because it sounded like too much fun. One could say this is what happens to me when I don't get my adventures, I get wrapped up into trouble. This was the worst crime I have ever commited. At 12:00 a.m. my friend Sean calls me to go over. We were all excited to go to a house and ding dong ditch. As we walk around, we sneaked around, and when some lady in a car looked at me with suspicion, I waved casually to make it seem less akward. Sean finds a glass bottle, it goes down hill from here. Sean had a old girl friend who got drunk at his house, so as perhaps a revenge stunt he decided that would be the house to prank. When we got there he decided he would be the one to throw two eggs at the house. Then he asked me to throw the bottle, I at first was not wanting to, but not only did he bribe me with soda, but I knew he would throw it no matter what. Where I failed was not me being apart of it, but me not preventing my friends from doing this. So Cameran rang the door bell a lot, Sean threw the eggs, and I broke the glass. We ran like heck! We hid in the bushes for probably only 3 minutes and then head out, to my amazement Sean and Cameran were only walking away rather than sneaking away. As we passed a corner, I saw a truck coming, "guys, I think we have company" I told them. They were not listening to me and sure enough the guy drives in front of us "Have I seen you somewhere before?" (he was refering to Sean) and Sean I could see was terrified and pretended like he was going to call the cops. "No" Sean replied. "Let's try that again" the truck driver said. "Your really freaking me out!" Sean said to him. "I'll give you one more chance, have I seen you before?" and Sean denies him one more time, and the truck driver takes off. I will admit, he did it in a pretty creepy fasion, but I don't blame him because he was the guy whos house was egged. Sean had to figure out how to sneak home because he had back up (other people around the naborhood looking for us as well). At my house I went to bed while they had to do some stunts to get home. The next day Sean invites me over late in the day, as we get home, the wife of the truck driver was at Sean's house. I knew instantly we were busted. Sean tried to deny it, but had not kept up on his lies, he some what confessed, and then I confessed. She told me about how she felt, and that there family was worried that night. So they decided the best idea was to have us work for them for 8 hours of yard work. On June 26, 2010 I got to there house ready for labor. I appologized and such, and explained the whole situation, and they seemed very understanding. They were quite polite, they even offered me some coffee and an apple. The truck driver from the other night padded me on the back and said he was glad I had appologized and was willing to repay what I did. Sean and Cameran came a while later. We cut bushes, scrubbed cars and windows, carried heavy loads, and other work. It was a good feeling to work off the crime. The guilt was more of a punishment than the acual work, after 8 hours when the work was finished they even offered for me to go backand work for them for cash. He also told us "You guys are lousy criminals you know that" which I found humerous because we had never acually done anything like this before. So from then on our relations with them went from bad to good. I learned a valuable lesson, don't put thrills over good sense. I plan to never do this again, and I think it worked out for the best.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
It all started on April 20, 2010 when I was sick that day, I did not want to go to school and get other kids or people at my work class sick. Sometimes as I say there is a sacrifice of doing the right thing. I stayed home, which would have been all fine and dandy except when I finally turned in my note for me being sick it was past the deadline of when the except notes. The attendance offic did not except the note although they took it for refferance, but it did not mean much to them. They sentinced me a detention, this was when trouble was looming over me, and at this time I started to feel a little uneasy. I did not go of course because it did not feel like justice, I would not serve a detention I felt that was not right. Plus I would have had to walk 5 miles home. The situation got more tense, on May 6th they gave me double detention, which I would certainly not go to, for some reason I thought of Rosa Parks as an inspiration of standing up against injustice which I felt like this situation was very much so. I went straight to the detention lady to try to get the situation under control, things took a spin for the worst. She was not willing to listen to what I had to say, and when I asked her "what if I do not go to in school suspension?" then she replied "Well then you will never be allowed back at school!". She had an evil smile on her face when she said that, I could tell she cared little for me and my situation, and it was almost as if she enjoyed it. I wanted to yell something back at her, but refused because it would be bad of me on my part to do so. I went out the door and pounded the wall. "I will not stand down!" I exclaimed as I walked away. An hour later I made a grab for my pack and my stuff and thought "what if I could leave now? Put an end to this maddness" I was ready to wage full scale conflict, I just so happened to have three dollars in my pcoket which was enough to head to the mountains, the moment was so intense, it was the moment my life stoof still waiting to see what would happen. As I was about to walk out of school a voice came into my head "Don't do it!" and I stopped. I made up my mind and I did it quick, and decided to give into appeasement which for these situations I normally would not, but knew the other way would not end well, and it would not be the right thing to do. I went on with the rest of my day but had a uncomfortable feeling. For the next few days I was worried they would try to make the sentince worse and worse, but some how either they forgot or the charages were dropped. Currently I am far from being tempted to leave, but May 6th stands out in my mind as the day I almost lost it.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
People of the climbing and hiking community insisted that I join the mountaineers in the basic climbing course. My friend Mark got me assosiated with this group called the Live Laugh Love group which helps young people into getting out doors, which I won the scholarship which was 500$! Half goes towards classes, and the other half can go towards gear. I signed up with the mountaineers and even became friends with the bsic climbing course register person. It was all looking fine and dandy, it looked like I was set for climbing. Unfortunatly as it is a lot of times with me, nothing is as it seems. One night during 2010 of January I come home to find out the news of what happend with me and the mountaineers. One member told one of the admins of some of the adventures I did back in 2009 and convinced them into booting me out of the course! This was another product of the Cold War between climbers and such, I knew at this point it would not go down so well. It was almost like I had it all but I suppose sometimes it's true what the Sith legend goes "All who had power, lost it", I guess I can't win always, but sometimes I get the feeling like I am never supposed to win, like loosing was something I was born with. But then again thats just a feeling, I don't really believe that. To me for days I just kept thinking about it over and over, and it hinged on one of the trips I did that could have prevented many of the struggles I faced last year, and to this day it drives me crazy how if I just pretended to feel well on one of my adventures I could have had all of this. I once again was wondering if my climbing was over, fortunatly another turning point came about... it's great to have good friends and partners. My friends and some other people stepped in and were willing to help me obtain some of my climbing goals. So far it's working out.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
In August I went to this place called Lakeside Bible Camp and served there for 3 weeks. It was a very awesome experience. I felt deely encouraged. I was discouraged from school the previous year because i felt like my works were not for good, and that what ever I did was not working towards something of high meaning, I need my life to be full of meaning. I later learned that I should be working for Christ.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
"Is this for real?" -Someone from nwhikers Response to the Event. The Cold Conflict started July 18, 2009 with this event that was the major cause of it Mount Rainier Attempt . This was a few weeks later from my 140 mile bike ride I wanted me and my friend to climb Mount Rainier with a few other guys. It did not work out, and we did not make the summit. After the trip I said something that offended my friends family ("It is ironic that my friends Dad changed me gas money but not the strangers") which I did not mean to and ever since they have a bit of a grudge against me and tell my friend "Your friend is a unappreciative friend, you should not go climbing with him" which I felt bad for and later appologized for, which the situation is a bit worse than I expected or thought of. And I fear that this might cause trouble in my friendship with him. Even my friend at first was angry about the ordeal which I then realized a few words can go a long ways. It also became worse my reputation of my hiking, even after I took a turning point and started to become responsible, it was too late. I believe some people in a suttle sense gossip about me or say things that are not fully true and makes people even more not want to hike with me. Fortunatly though by trying to be responsible it may some day change people's minds. In the events of my trips I lost more and more respect from people of the hiking and climbing community. It got to the point where I thought it was over, my hiking hobby is ruined, I even started to think mabe climbing was a dumb idea any ways. I think I felt the most broken after the Rainier attempt than anything I have experienced, it was a total dissapointment for me and everyone else. I felt bitterly defeated at this point. I thought about running away again, it did not matter to me at this point if things would get worse. But then, something cool happend, I was offered a climb up Mount Baker which was the turning point in the drama. To this day I'm still living in the Cold Conflict, but fortunatly it has gotten much better and perhaps within the next year might be over. I still have people watching over me, trying to to get at me for the slightest mistakes made. But hey, it's the casual drama. It is still going on, and sometimes it gets a little out of hand.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Miricles in my life were not enough for me. Perhaps I grew stubbern but what ever it was, I once fell again which this time it lasted for a long time. Even with believing God was on my side, it was still hard to stay. It's kinda strange, in new ways my faith would be brought lower. I was conflicted with the thoughts that perhaps hope was just a attepmt to make things right when at the time I was wondering if the world was acually in sorta no real hope. I was conflicted with the ideas of wether reason, or the value of things were created by us or by God, and that if right and wrong was just a point of view. If right and wrong was just a point of view, perhaps I would be less tempted to help people. It's kinda strange, with believing there is right and wrong, you can seek good without it even feeling like a duty, as though you want it, but if it was just all opinion, I would perhaps go my own way and be forever under a void of no hope, perhaps life would take on a lesser meaning and from there on it would have to be created on what I make of it. Even after enduring through the hard times before, I still thought about running away, but I would be yet held though faith, through miricles, though love, and though God. Perhaps even if there was one less of these it would make quite a chance in my life. There are these people called Jehova's Witness's which in a sense lowered my faith, it sorta put me under this influence of going back and forth between there believe and Christianity which both had there ideas which both believed they were right, but were diffrent. I started to wonder "what if there both wrong?" and it wasn't just them but some other influences as well. It started to get to me to the point were I started making reckless choices, when going to the mountains I would not observe the signs of danger, when being physically lost, in sesne there is a sense of enjoyment which at first sounds outright insane, but perhaps it's that natual curiosity. People eventually looked down on me for it. This then would prevent me from getting out into the mountains. After School was out I eventually couldn't take it, not being able to get out. So I wanted an adventure so big it would have me excited about thinking about it for a long time, which it did. I in a sesne ran way, not directly, not intensionally (I did not expect people to worry for me, because mother was gone for days in a row) but they did notice and when I came home I felt like I was further loosing my freedom. The "run away" trip was 140 mile bike ride to Monte Cristo area which was 2 and a half days long. I almost wanted to run away again because of this, but I decided against it. But when I earlier said run away, I mean go out there and not return for a very long long time. It did not occur to me that my ambision was blinding me. And it later got worse.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
I believe in Miricles. They happend more often than people realize. When things go wrong in my life, there are times were there is still a light, when I think things are going to get worse, out of miricles, things get better for me. It is very interesting that how often they happen, and that people take them for granet. As Forest Gump said "Some people don't think miricles happen evey day, but they Do!".
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Often when I go to school, the air is so bitterly stale, at times, some classes more than others. It feels so dry, hot, and smells bad, and it often makes me feel so dizzy, so crazily dizzy that my crazy emotions are what sometimes keep me awake. Why I ask, Why is it so hot? People here in this climate do not want to have to get used to colder weather, so instead change there inviroment itself by having the heat way up so that they have there luxury heat. The problem is that I over heat easy. and as weird as it sounds, at my house we do not have much money to spare, and especially on luxuries such as a hot house, so I end up getting used to the temperature of were I live, but if I do, I get very hot at school which majorly impacts my performance. In many ways, this is what cuase some my Apathy moments, being so dizzy, and without thought, and feeling like passing out which sometimes I did. So I would go from being cold at home to being very hot at school, and I just could'nt get used to either. It's the worst of both worlds in a sense. I guess my ability to adapting to diffrent tempterature enviroments is not that good, although I can adjust to cold much much faster and better.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
I have learned in my years of seeking wisdom and what is important in my life, and I found that Faithfulness is one of the most important. I have heard this many times in church that faithfulness is important, but I really came between my undertanding and how important it really is. To me it is important to have faithfulness in God, and also in that I can do great things, and my faithfulness helps compell me to keep going when times are hard, when times are bad, and to the point were I want to give up.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
To over come the Void, it has to be done though love, compassion, and all that is good. When I lose site of this, the Void in my heart comes back and over takes me, but I do not let it get to far. And its not like I make any of this up, its strange that I get all so many emotions. I believe one of the worst is apathy, the feeling of nothing, which you feel no happieness nor sorrow, and your completly out of your mind tired. Running and hiking help me over come the void because I feel a greatness when I'm out there, like I'm away from the world, and I am free of worries. It is an incredible experience that changes my thinking and how I view the world. I also prey a lot, and it helps, I really believe so. Many times it goes away, but always to come back. In my everyday life. I feel great joy, and great sadness, although not every day, but the majority of them. Perhaps something wrong with me. Not sure what, but I'm also able to over come. Perhaps some day it will be gone forever from me, but I wait until that some day.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Life is not what it seems, people may say that daily life is'nt complicated or some might not have too bad of a time, but for me, things are often times not always as they seem. For example, I get a computer, my brother gets a virus on it, and it does'nt work, ok, I get a laptop, and then the charger brakes... this is just one of the many things that go wrong. Also for school, I have an over heating problem, for some reason It's as if I were born for colder climates, and the heaters at school are so so terribly hot! And this makes school very difficult, plus I get sweaty from the heat, and dissy, and ichy, oh, and I forgot to mention, the stale air! Also if I wore shorts, my legs have a skin problem so they would get extremely ichy, so thats out of the question. Fortunatly only have of the time is the world ending for me, the other half fortunatly are quite good times, so really its a hit miss deal.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
There are times that I feel that I am without emotion, perhaps even without thought, to me, this is one of the worst of all feelings, to loose feelings. These mood swings do not last long, but I sometimes feel that I am with happienss, without sadness, without energy, and do what I need to do, until this mood sorta just goes away.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Even after find my purpose in life, temptation was always there, It would bring me to the point were I would in a sense go crazy, the temptation is mountains. I would always find myself lusting for mountains, some times so bad, that perhaps to free my self from the pain of not being with them is to stop thinking about them... but that was not possible. It is always a stuggle, It has some how become a part of me. Mountains, Mountains, Mountains! Without them, I do not feel like myself. Perhaps I have become to attatched to such things. But if you have experienced nature, and loved it how I loved it, its a whole diffrent perspective. It try's to take me to take me away from city life, with all my might I resist it's mighty temptation, I know how awesome the natural world is compared with what I've got now, but I know I must'nt give in, for the sake of doing the right thing!
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
The Void is a feeling of emptieness inside me, all the time when things go good, the joy can last only so long before bad stuff happends in my life, and I soon get this feeling of being unwanted, and unusefulness to the world, no matter how hard I try, it is always there. It's ability to over power me, I feel like crawling into a dark corner, but I know that it does'nt help... or atleast it makes me feel uneasy when I do this. I have looked very deep inside myself, and some people say it does'nt matter if God exist or not. Well, I say so. When my faith is dry, I looked into my self, so much emptieness, and not just in me, put perhaps the world it self! If there were no God, no creator, is this life without purpose? Are we just here? And I felt sick when thinking about such things. If there were no purpose and no hope for the world, would there be less meaning in the world? I would'nt go out doing bad things, and I would still very much value life, but I would do as I wanted before. My Mountains. But as I feel these dark emotions, I always fight against it, always reasoning. It felt to the point were it was cutting my very soul, and still cutting deeper. Until I seeked God, and waited, and waited, and then went for a run. For some reason running is good medicine. It is'nt something like I go out try a bit were I'm a bit out of breathe, but I try until my heart is hurting, and my breath as hard as it could be. I would feel sickly tired, and prey, and suddenly feel better, and have the endurance and strength to continue. That always amazes me. That I really believe that God is helping me, and giving me the spiritual energy to keep going, and the strength to continue. The fear sometimes get to me, if I just knew there was'nt God, perhaps I would'nt have as much passion to seek the right thing. In a sesne it's a little bit of bad character on my part. To barry my dark emotions is one thing, but to ocer come them is another, it feels like it is never endless, like a chasing of the wind.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost My mind or me wanted a life so selfish, I desparatly wanted to live a life of my self, live how I want to live, not caring about the world, and not giving a care if people are in need, and wanting just my sorrows to go away. But! Theres this perspective of me, one I call the Heart of me... It would be the oposite, I at the same time very much desired in wanting to help the world, do the right thing, and really reach out into the world. Because a part of me contridicted it self, it was like a fight between my light and darkness, and it would result me ending satisfied and happy, or terribly full of sorrow.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010 | 1 comment
At this point, I really was looking for something in life, but could not understand what. I would pray to god for guidence. One day in leadership class, the teacher asked the class "Is your passion compassion?" This question really hit me, and made me really think. He also mentioned that being a leader is a servant.I been into wanting to do the right thing, but when in bed one night, it came into my head what I want in life. To help other people in need. At this point of my life, understnading and wisdom kept coming to me, and I was into doing the right thing. This was a very exiting time in my life! At this point, the bullies started to not come around as much. After a series of going back and forth with my emotions, I felt that my life was more meaningful, and I was happy for a long long time! But as they say, whats there just ain't so, a strange feeling of emptieness came over me, perhaps it was all the stuff going on in my life.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
At the same time that the bad stuff was going on, slightly before, I kept discovering secrets of what is important in life. My brother got me into running, and because I had asma, running is hard. For almost every night for months I started running, and it was difficult, but it felt good to try hard. I eventaully learned that trying hard in what you do is very important. A quote comes to mind "The Training is nothing, the will is everything, the will to act" -Ras al Ghul. I evenually started putting more effort into life, and it really started helping. But the feeling of emptieness was still there, and it got worse.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
At this point, I wanted to run away, run away from everyone, run away from who I am, get out, and in a sesne set my spirit free. I wanted to run away to the mountains, and I even had a plan of how I would do it, and I knew if I did, it would be crazy, but after all, I am a die hard! But when I kept wanting to, for some reason I could'nt, something inside me that would'nt let me. It was'nt that I was afraid, but I did not want to leave my family, and people would worry. And there was something else... but at the time I just was'nt sure. So as I kept getting tempted, at school, which I was'nt very good at, I would some times just put my head down and just cry. And not just like your sad about something, but a complete feeling of hoplessness. A feeling of being so alone in the world, and that I've got nothing and that everyone is better than me. It started to make me even a bit crazy, but as before, I would'nt show it to the people I cared about. And it was'nt like I planned on running away, I was going too!
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
When the mean people kept coming to me, it kept making me sick day after day, and It started making me sad every day. Although I would always hide it, I did not want people to know that I was sad. In 6th grade it was then that I began hiking, which is whenI had aincredible experience of mountains, I would go almost every weekend, until we started running low on money, and I was stuck at home. At school, I read a books about adventures, and about going into the wild. At this point in my life, I been dying for some adventure, because of being stuck at home. Every day of going back to school, the sorrow getting worse and worse until it felt like a raging fire in my heart. It burned, and almost felt like is was terring away at me.It was not of anger but of sadness.I could not help but feel a great deal of emtieness and the sadness kept getting worse and worse. I eventually started thinking of myself as useless and thought perhaps the world would be better without me. I never had thoughts of suicide because I even then greatly value life, but though for some reason that I need to get away from the world of society. It got to the point were I wanted to run away, free myself from thisworld of pain. Perhaps everyone would be better off if I just leave.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
There were times in my life were I was wondering to myself, what is my purpose in life, why did god put me here on this earth? This question arose when I was in middle school. At the school I had few friends, and for me, I do not like being lonely. I was left out a lot in school, and wanted more friends. People eventually started calling me stupid, which to this day really bugs me! And I kept hearing people say it so much, I eventually gave in and believed them. The reason I had little friends is because I would not hang out with mean people or people who swear, because I learned in church that it is important to not hang out with such people. But I remained faithful. And of coarse i'm diffrent from everyone else.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
I feel as though I am separated from everything, God, the world, school, mountains, hope, family, and even my self. I felt like I was so lost in my thoughts. The more I talk to people, the more I get made fun of. And I felt like I was deeply alone even when around people. I felt like there was no hope for me. The more I attept to reason, the worse things were off. To me, Nothing is as it seems, things are not how they should be, things are not how they appear. In my every day life, I feel myself exhausted, so tired out of my mind. and its not that I get into bad things, but my irresponsibility takes me beyond what I'm capible.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
I do not belong... I feel my self fading away from this society. I feel as though I do not belong. Everyone is so diffrent from me, because I'm so diffrent from everyone else. I can feel the great deal of loneliness. I can feel the void getting closer and closer, every day I wait. Until perhaps one day sainity will break loose into insanity! The more I wonder, the more lostI become. Is there ever a end to this wondering? I feel as though I am held on a hope that is hanging on a edge, and all that is keeping me is what is good in my heart. If it were'nt for my love for the people, my love for God, and my desire to do great things, I would gladly leave to a world so far away.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010


Powered by AlphaContent 4.0.16 © 2005-2010 - All rights reserved